bifur

It was Bifur who brought him the narrow block of pale green marble. The stone was smaller than most Dwarves chose, but it was veined with ripples of golden-white, the color of Bilbo’s hair in the midday sun. Bifur laid the block gently down on Thorin’s personal forge and grunted that you didn’t need much to carve a half-Hobbit child.

Inspired by this luscious fan art by Aegilef. It's just utterly gorgeous, and how could my imagination not take me somewhere. And I think that somewhere is Laketown, and Thorin suggests that Bella go to bed. Very suggestively suggests. And suggests quite a bit. Just a suggestion. One of my darling readers, skmitton, sweetly requested a fem!Bilbo version, and, well, my mind started running down that track. And then it started sprinting.

The scholars, historians, and budding scientists of Middle-Earth literally froth at the mouth trying to determine just where new dwarfs come from in a population that seems to be entirely male. Do they spring from holes in the ground? Do they carve them out of stones? Do they have some disgusting and painful sounding process where the men give birth? The dwarves aren't talking... They're too busy laughing their butts off over the situation!